~Childhood~Who you hang out with
What you wear
What you listen to
Who your friends are
Quite recently I realize that no matter how much you struggle, how much you fight, the people from your past are going to grow farther and farther apart from you. You can scream, kick, claw, etc. to hold on to that link, but it is never going to be as strong as it once was. People will move on and people will grow. People will come to realize that they are stronger than they once thought and if you were as shoulder for them, they will find that they don't need you around as much as they once did.
And this hurts.
A lot.
But it is all a part of growing up, and it has taken me quite a long time to realize this.
However, realizing this is just another step in my own maturity. It still hurts like a bitch though .___________________x.
I often wondered when I was little how "grown-ups" go through life with basically the same stoic look on their face, but now that I am older, I can readily understand how that comes to be. As things happen in life and you discover things, it's almost as if you become sort of...numb to the things happening around you. So that all you are left with, at least I have found in my case, is anger and a type of happiness. The rest of the time is passed by with a type of off-set coolness that hardly anything upsets.
And, in my case, I feel I should be sad. I feel I should be sobbing, but nothing comes. And I just sit there, not knowing what to do with myself. It's almost an out of body experience, but not quite. As if I know that I am in my body, but at the same time it doesn't feel right.
And I really want to know what happened to the self that I used to have that was lively and full of energy. I want to talk to my younger self and grasp a firm hold of the ideals that are supposed to make up an individual that I can no longer remember.
Enough of being all emotional and horrible sounding.
I am pleased with how I am doing in college. My Chemistry Lab grade could be higher, but I think I will be able to manage.
I am not nearly as confident whether I want to be a science major as I once was. But I am so unsure of anything nowadays that I think I could end up anywhere.
I think I am going to end this and head off to talk to Catie. We are playing 20 questions.
Joy
--
If you want someone dead, you knock on their door, they answer, you shoot them. Easy.
n-n thank you so much for everything.
I can't wait to hug you again!
--
♥ Is in Wonderland~
"I think this city deserves a better class of criminals" - The Joker
| Y | A | O | I |
My anti-drug
--
Previous Page12Next Page